No thanks...

HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONS: You could not pay me to attend one of these things...I skipped the 20 and the 25 yr reunion and this year marks the 30 year and I still have zero desire to go. My instant reaction is that I am in touch with all the ppl from high school that I care to see already so...the event itself would not be something I am interested in...then I start I not want to go b/c I don't really feel that the present day ME is good enough...? Did I have loftier plans for myself that never came to fruition due to life circumstance and status?

I have been pondering this a lot and think I have come up with the honest truth of the matter.

A) There is much truth that I don't really care about the rest of the Powell River high school crowd - Aside from the handful of friends I have kept up with from that time - I couldn't give less of a shit about a majority of the rest of them. Plain truth.

B) High school was such a shit time in my life - I am not drawn to …


These life moments...markers.

Like when layers, rings of sediment of different colors, dug out of the ancient ground tell the history of their culmination. These markers flood back sometimes, it is like getting hit by a train...when you are nowhere near a train track. You find yourself disarmed and stunned by the power these markers still hold within you.
I had a lighthouse moment in my life once...a person being my lighthouse...and I, the proverbial lost boat on the ocean, hit the rocks anyway.

Looking back it seems so clear how lost I was that not even a beacon of hope that this person was could steer me straight.

I am speaking annoyingly metaphorically - I know.
Speaking plain would sound like a pitiful tale of regret and woebegone tale spinning. It is not really like that...just typical What If moments in life...self examination and self judgment.

Things managed to fall into place....eventually.

I just read the definition of "proverbial" 5x to make sure I was using it co…

Aeons ago....

Olympic champion worst blogger person...

I think I have gotten to the point where I feel like people's opinions and meanderings online are useless and good for nothing so getting on here and blathering on seems like I am being a hypocrite. Guess I better sew this badge on my jacket and face the the facts.

I am finding myself becoming a bit more center of the left and right these days. The extreme liberal ideology has become as revolting as the extreme right wing assholery. Leaves me feeling like punching almost everyone in the face. Common sense has gone out the window...I am still left leaning without a doubt but there are certain topics where I am finding myself not as left as I would have been 5 yrs ago. This climate where people haven't the sense to even discuss things without it being an all or nothing campaign of hate is tiresome. I guess we have the current US prez to thank for some of that but upon my reading and such it seems things took a giant shift in the 90's…

Fernwood Street Art




Brain Fatigue

My new dad was in town in May.
It is a strange thing to get to know a parent at 47.
Grateful to have the opportunity before it was too late of course but strange nonetheless.
I self-monitor fairly well and I find my reaction and emotions most intriguing.
At 47 I feel like a honey no shits about so many things that used to matter so much. I don't generally care if ppl like me, I don't care if people expect things of me, I say fuck you to obligatory things as often as I can if I do not feel they are genuinely important to me, etc. You get the idea...then you have a new dad come along and blow your shit up...because suddenly a bunch of things you never really felt weird about suddenly bubble to the surface. Al is a super chill dude...this is all per usual.
Admittedly, I do not have great experience interacting with the male species. Ultimately my penchant for being unmarried and unpaired is how I deal with my inability to relate to and trust the male specie…


My kid just turned 24...that is the age my brother was when he killed himself 18 years ago. It is very strange to watch a 24 year old as an adult and re-examine the past through these older eyes. 
My daughter seems so very young despite her world travel and life experience. My brother had far less life experience at the time. I wish he could have broken free from the bonds of a messy childhood and morphed into the last of adults...I wish that would have given him a different perspective about his life. None of his issues were permanent aside from the messy childhood mindfuckery of course...I wish he would have moved away and left all the ghosts behind and started fresh. I wish a lot of things....and I see things so very differently at 47 - on a variety of really is true that you start to care less about certain things with age and in turn care more about other things that used to not matter as much.
Happy 24th Sprog o' Mine...still the best thing on earth. 💛